Anatomy of a Reply Card

The who, what, when, where and why of wedding invitation response cards. I get more questions regarding reply cards than any other. Reply cards are also known as RSVP cards. To begin with, RSVP stands for répondez s’il vous plaît. In French, “please respond”. You must have some way to let your guests tell you that they are, or are not attending your wedding.

We never put response requests ON our formal invitations. No matter how small your budget, it is never done. Printing this on the formal invitation gives one the impression of extreme thriftiness on the part of the sender and is frankly, just too casual. Email, phone numbers and websites on the formal invitation look cluttered. You only get married once, we hope, so let’s at least have some decorum and put these details on another card.

The reply card will have the following:

Reply by date:

Traditionally, invitations go out two months prior to your wedding. Your reply by date should be three-four weeks before your wedding.

Formal: The favor of a reply is requested by the tenth of June

Informal: Kindly reply by June 10th

M________________________

What is this M in front of the name line? I get this question all the time and it saddens me that this tradition is going by the wayside. Lately, I have replaced M with guest(s) as couples do not care to embrace this tradition today. M in front of the line is for Mr., Mrs., Ms., or Miss. Historically, this is traditional proper protocol.

Reply envelopes:

You must include them with your response card and either handwrite or have your Stationer print your return address on the front. Self-mailable postcards are informal but still do the trick if you forgo a proper response envelope.

Stamps:

You must place a stamp on the self-mailable reply card or on the reply card envelope. It is bad form to ask your guests to pay for the response to your wedding.

Meal Choices:

Many couples like to include meal choices on their reply card so that their caterer can better prepare for the wedding day. This is entirely up to you. A major reason couples send out their invitations late is that they wait and wait for the caterer to sort out the meal choices. Caterers do not care about invitation deadlines and the stress this causes the Stationer (me) and the couples (you) is tantamount. If you must put meal choices on your response cards, then go with the bare minimum: meat, fish, vegetarian.

Mailable response card vs an online reply, which is best for you? It depends. If you are having a very formal black tie wedding, something in a grand home, country club or ballroom, you would want a proper mail-in reply card. Below are the pro’s and cons of each side of the argument:

Online Reply Card Pros

• You will receive responses sooner

• Since you do not need an envelope, you will save environmentally and in your wallet

• Easier for some guests

Online Reply Card Cons

• Out of site, out of mind; spend more time tracking down responses from guests who simply forgot

• Too casual for formal weddings

• Older guests may have a hard time navigating the web

• How do you indicate how many are invited with just a link? You will have to have numerous conversations or a way to indicate online what the guest limit is. You may not want everyone to bring a "plus one".

• You must have a shortened url. It is difficult for older guests or guests on mobile devices to type something like this in order to reply: theknot.com/us/courtney-hanley-&-stephen-shaunessey-get-married-2020

QR Codes

• Insanely ugly and detract from the invitation design

• Are difficult for many guests, particularly the elderly

• If I did not stress this enough above, they are really unattractive

Mail-in Reply Cards Pros

• A physical card that requires action is more reliable for getting responses

• It’s classier

• Every day you receive a response in the mail is like getting a letter from a friend. When do you ever receive letters these days? Many guests take the time to write a little handwritten note on your reply cards. You can even add a few lines on your card for this. I kept all of mine and tied them with a pretty ribbon.

Mail-in Reply Cards Cons

The added cost of the stamp and envelopes

Not as environmentally friendly

With the advent of technology, we seem to lose little pieces of traditions every day. It would be a shame for weddings to go fully digital. When you look back on your 50th wedding anniversary, what will you have besides your love and photos? Paper will be there. Texts, wedding websites and email confirmations will all be long gone after your wedding day. Let’s ditch the traditions that are not so important to us. Tossing the garter can go, bridesmaids don’t always have to wear the same dress and we really do not have to throw rice. As a self-proclaimed paper and etiquette collector, I admit the online reply is becoming more and more popular. Let’s just make sure we keep it OFF of the invitation and ON a separate card, no matter what you decide to do.

A traditional reply card

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Make the Most of your Post

You've just licked your last envelope flap and you breathe a heavy sigh of relief that you are finally done! But wait, you have one last very important step to seal the deal and make the most of your post. Before you purchase any stamps, please take your finished invitation to the post office to be weighed. If you have several cards, museum board invitations or even a square invitation, you will need more than the standard "Forever" stamp.

By far my favorite way to add postage to your invitation envelopes is to use vintage, unused stamps. They come in every color and in every denomination from one cent and up. You can mix and match different styles and colors to come up with an effect that works with your color palette. One of my favorite vintage stamp vendors is Virginia Sauder at Verde Studio. You can choose from a variety of themes like history, nature, love, botanicals etc. She can also put packages together for you if you tell her your needs.

Your next option is to purchase new stamps from the post office. Their "love" themed stamps are not my favorite. To be honest, I don't find them imaginative and vintage enough to my liking. But I do love many of their historical and botanical themed stamps. If you are having a very vintage wedding, you might use a mix of their WWI and Classics Forever series.

The last option is to have your own custom stamp designed. You can use your couple's logo, an image from your invitations... anything. The main drawback about this is that a standard .55 stamp can cost up to $1.30 each. More importantly, they come with a very unsightly black and white QR code on the design. You can purchase these from Shutterfly, Minted, Zazzle etc. I say stay clear from these-- you can spend the extra expense elsewhere and the black and white code is really a drawback.

Once you drop your lovely little packages off at the post office, they are going to be machine sorted and stamped. To ensure your invitations do not bend or smudge, you can ask your postal worker to hand cancel each one. This ensures that they will not rip or tear in the stamping and sorting process. If you are using wax seals, this is a must. Hand canceling can only be done once you have sealed, stamped and addressed your envelopes. Hand canceling does take a bit of time and some post offices may charge for this. Make sure you ask which day is the least busy at the post office.

But before you do any of the above, please take your finished invitation to the post office to be weighed. If you have several cards, or one of my pocket folders, you will need more than the standard stamp.

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Vintage, unused postage

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Ceremony Programs - To Do or Not To Do

Are wedding programs necessary? I get this question all the time. My answer is always the same- it’s entirely up to you! Tell help you decide if you need them or not, let’s look at a few reasons why you might want to consider them.

You have a very long wedding.  If you are having a longer Catholic wedding or any type of religious wedding where guests from different faiths will be present, you might want to have a program letting them know what is happening. They may not understand some of the customs and it’s helpful to have a guide for them to follow along. This is especially important if you are having an interfaith or multi-cultural ceremony.

You have family members and friends you would like to acknowledge for their dedication, hard work and love.  Perhaps it’s the friend that introduced the two of you, or you have endearing friends and family that have been your rock in hard times. In addition, listing your bridal party on a program is a nice way to say, “Hey thank you for being an integral part of my wedding!” Whatever the case, the program card is a great way to let those important to you know that you care about them.

You have a special song or poem that has significant meaning. Printing the lyrics to your favorite song or the prose from a lovely poem can help set the tone of your ceremony. It’s cute and sweet and a nice souvenir as well.

If you are anticipating a very hot and humid wedding, in say, Atlanta in August, or planning on a major dance floor boogie fest, you can go with an old-fashioned hand fan. Your sweaty Aunt May can fan herself after she gets down with her bad self. Fans are great because you can print your bridal party members, a small thank you, or just a lovely quote on the back and they are actually very useful, not to mention, pretty cute for photo opportunities.

And you can ditch all of the above if you have a small budget and a simple wedding where everyone knows each other. My motto— it’s entirely up to you and your vision for your special day.

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Wedding program hand fans by Gilded Swan Paperie

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