Wedding and Invitation Etiquette | Gilded Swan Paperie

REGISTRY INFORMATION

Registry information never goes on a wedding invitation. It is either spread by word of mouth by friends and family, or on your couple's website. These are the only two appropriate ways to communicate your registry. Moreover, if you add your registry to your Save the Dates, it says,

"You have eight months to buy us a gift", instead of, "Please come share in our special day."

DOES MY SAVE THE DATE HAVE TO MATCH MY INVITATION?

It does not. Save the Dates can be more fun and less formal. Besides, not every couple

has a defined mood board and "look" set for their big day this early in their planning.

WEBSITE URL

Printing your website on the Save the Date is fine. It does not go on your actual wedding invitation. Put your website link on an additional details card included with the invitation.

CAN I PRINT INFORMATION ON THE BACK OF MY INVITATION?

No. It is not intuitive to put RSVP, reception, or websites on the back of an invitation no matter how informal your wedding is going to be. You will spend hours tracking down guests to obtain their RSVP. Putting this type of information on the back implies extreme thriftiness on the part

of the sender.

COMMON MISTAKES

~ Honor vs Honour? Only the Brits, Australians, and Canadians use "Honour".

~ The Bride's name ALWAYS comes first. End of story.

~ Middle initials are never used on an invitation. Use the full middle name, or omit altogether

~ The phrase "half after" is more formal and traditionally preferred over "half past".

~ No zip codes on the formal invitation. They are unattractive and unnecessary.

~ Phrases like "in the afternoon or in the evening" are not necessary. Nobody will think your wedding is at five o'clock in the morning.

WHO IS INVITED?

Traditionally, only the guests whose names appear on the envelope are invited. To bring guests not listed on the envelope is considered rude. If you know the name of your guest's "plus" one, please include it. If you do not know the name of the "plus one", then Mr. So and So plus Guest will be fine. Another option is to print “We have reserved ___ seats in your honor” on your reply cards. You can communicate just how many guests are invited here.

REPLY CARDS & QR CODES

Make sure your reply card envelopes are pre-addressed and pre-stamped. It is bad form to expect guests to pay for a stamp to reply to your wedding. Although they may be convenient for some, QR codes are hideous and ruin the look of your stationery. They are also difficult for older guests. Use a traditional mail-in reply card to avoid making dozens of follow-up calls. Read about online reply cards vs traditional reply cards here.

WHEN SHOULD I ASK FOR A REPLY?

Set your reply by date three-four weeks before your wedding. Please note, if you are directing guests to reply via online from a url printed on your invitation, expect to receive only about 60% response. You will need to follow up via telephone to the guests who do not go online to respond. Printed mail-in response cards with stamps have a much higher response rate as they require a physical action on the part of the guest.

B LIST

This is a very touchy subject. Having someone accidentally realize that they are on the B List is very unfortunate. If you need to do this, then you simply must send out your A-List invitations at least twelve weeks in advance. You will also need to purchase two separate reply cards with each reply date. Typical reply dates are 3-4 weeks from the date of the wedding. Guests will inherently know they are on the B List if their reply date is two weeks or under.

CHILDREN OR NO CHILDREN?

There is no tactful way to say “we don’t want your children.” As much as I totally understand this, seeing those words, no matter how lovingly written, can hurt parents. Word of mouth is the only real acceptable way to communicate this. Give this illustrious duty to your bridesmaids or family

members to handle for you.

WHAT IS HAND-CANCELING AND SHOULD I DO IT?

This adds about .21 to the cost of each envelope, but it ensures that the stamping machine

at the post office does not smudge or bend your gorgeous wedding invitations or save the date postcards. Make sure you take a full invitation suite to your Postmaster to make sure you purchase the right amount of postage. Then ask about hand-canceling.

THANK YOU CARDS

If somebody sends you a gift, you must send a hand-written note as soon as possible. There is no 3 or 6-month rule on this. It should be done within two weeks of receipt. It's courteous to let the giver you appreciate the expense and thought.

WHEN IN DOUBT?

First, I ask "What would Grace Kelly do?" If she would not do it, then neither would I. Second, I always confer with:

* Vintage Emily Post Etiquette books

* Martha Stewart Weddings

* The UK's leading expert on etiquette, William Hanson