Decoding the Dress Code

Formal, casual, cocktail, black tie.... what does it all mean? How should your guests dress to fit the mood and style of your big day? Is it really important? Maybe to some and maybe not to others. And, will your need to have a dress code be appropriate for your guests? As much as one might love to have an elegant "black tie" wedding, you may have guests that cannot afford to rent or purchase a tux. Then again, you may have "those" relatives that are inclined to show up in cargo shorts and a stained t-shirt. What on earth do we do with them? Below are the main forms of dress that are commonly printed on wedding invitations. It's all very loose and open to interpretation. And of course, if you are of the very stylish set and have fabulously posh friends, you may opt to print nothing at all!

Festive Attire:

Is usually based on the "theme" of the wedding. Many of my clients state "Gatsby Attire" or "Vintage Attire".

This means have fun and wear vintage suits and ties, flapper dresses etc. If it's a tropical theme, sarongs and tiki shirts might be the "festive attire".

Cocktail Attire - Dressy Casual - Semi-Formal

These are all very similar terms to describe basically the same attire Ladies: Cocktail dress, nice skirt, pant suit

Gents: Suit and tie or a nice suit jacket and shirt

(Wear lighter colors if day wedding, darker for night)

Black Tie:

(Evening wedding and very formal)

Ladies: Formal Gown or a fancy cocktail dress and heels, dressy pants suit

Gents: Black tuxedo. If the wedding is in the summer, they can opt for a white jacket and black trousers

Formal Attire or Black Tie Optional:

(Evening wedding and very formal)

Ladies: Formal gown or a fancy cocktail dress and heels, dressy pants suit

Gents: Dark suit or tuxedo. (the "optional" party means gents can opt to wear either)

White Tie: (Most formal of all. Think a ball at the White House)

Ladies: Ball gown

Gents: Tux and tails

Ladies should know by now to never show up to a wedding in white. That is unacceptable.

Underdressing is a horror. There seems to be "that guy" who always shows up in jeans and sneakers. One at every wedding... he just ruins the photos and the vibe, doesn't he?. You might have to call your Aunt Edna to tell her to tell Cousin Ed not to wear his camo pants. Good luck, have fun... it will be festive no matter what!

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A stylishly dressed "Festive Vintage Attire" couple as photographed by @peterson.design.photo

#weddingadvice #weddingetiquette #weddingdresscode #festiveattire

Are Trends Defining Your Wedding Style?

I watched a video on Wedding Wire the other day entitled “2019 Wedding Trends You need to Know. It was resplendent with colorful and stunning eye candy that commanded my complete attention. I was mesmerized. But suddenly, I just went blank. Literally, I felt overwhelmed with all of the trends…one after another… Drones, light box signs, giant acrylic menu installations, cigar bars, sushi bars, coffee bars, steak stations, pampas grass, shrimp boats, grazing buffets, weekends extravaganzas… on and on and on. It was like the flood gates of prettiness opened and I found myself careening down the river without a pretty raft.

I sat back and thought, what happened to a simple wedding? How did we get to these larger-than-life, trend-of-the-moment productions?  Is it social media? Reality TV, the Kardashian effect? I just don’t know. But it made me think about that word, “trend”.  Trends are fleeting. Trends are great for fashion as we all get tired of ourselves and our wardrobes. But for weddings, is it really important to jump on trends? If we changed our spouses as much as we change our boot styles, then maybe. But the theory is, we stay married for life. So our wedding should be classic, timeless and look amazing no matter the decade. And they should not, under any circumstances, send us to the poor house..

I do think wedding planning induces a sort of mania  in some of us. Look at Instagram or Pinterest… the more we click, the prettier things are until we get engulfed in beauty and our fingers go numb from pinning and saving.  We simply want it all! Sometimes we forget, that just because it’s all over the media, it might not be right for us. Take the 2019 trend of bridal jumpsuits. Enough said. For me anyway. QR codes on invitations were a trend several years back. I did not comply with my clients wishes to print any such codes onto their invitations. Of course they are all thanking me today. Actually, they probably all forgot about QR codes, so probably not. Last year rose gold was all the rage. It’s a great color for metallics and fabric, but on paper, it’s was just peach, run of the mill 1980’s peach. And let us not forgot the entire wedding party- guests included, gyrating in synchronized dance moves while making a music video complete with crane shot cameras mounted high in the sky. A little self indulgent? Not if you are Rihanna. 

Wedding trends are not like fashion trends. Nobody on the planet, other than people in the wedding business will say, “Acrylic signs were so 2018” or, “Pampas grass was so 2019”. If you wore acid-washed jeans, then yes, we could all say, “oh you were so 1992”. No matter what is hot now, or last year or next year, don’t feel like you are missing any kind of boat… whether it be a Pantone Living Coral boat, rose gold boat, or pampas grass boat. 

While trend forecasts might be a great place to start, don’t necessarily let them define your vision or style. Trends are just that—they are trendy— they are fleeting and in the moment, they are not a lifetime of great design.  According to Wedding Wire, “mix & match" is a big trend for 2019. This is by far, my favorite trend. Of course I always love mixing plaids with stripes, but my interpretation of “mix & match" goes beyond that. Mix and match to your personality, your budget, your vision and your day. If you can look back in 30 years and say “wow, that looked really great and was fun” then it was worth doing. While many trends are lovely and inventive, they are just that— trends. Let’s not let them replace traditions… nice, simple, "hey I love you” and “we are not broke" traditions. 

Photo by Adventure Elopement Photographers

#weddingtrends #weddingtrends2019 #weddingphotography

Pampas grass design by Christine Cater, Photo by Carlie Statsky via Green Wedding Shoes // Sushi photo by Christian Oth Studios // Light box photo by Frankee Victoria Photography from Rock My Wedding // Bacon photo by Sweet Roots Photography from Burnett'sBoards // Drone photo by Landon Wise Photo

Save the Date Etiquette

Whilst reading my Emily Post etiquette books, I routinely like to ponder why some traditions are not around anymore. Announcing that somebody just got engaged used to be a very formal affair. Days before the formal "announcement" the Bride and Groom wrote to their intimate friends and relatives telling them of said engagement and to not tell anyone else until a specified date. Upon completing that task, these intimate friends and relative entertained the Bride and Groom privately.

The formal announcement would have been made by the parents. This is done intimately by note, word of mouth and in the local newspaper or social register. Telephoning the Society Editor was a given. If you were a prominent citizen, then they would post your photographs. Engraved announcements were not correct and never done. If permitted, this would be our modern Save the Date as we know it today.

Today, with our bustling society and full work schedules, a Save the Date is a must. Guests need to know if they should take off work, and if so, for how long. Travel arrangements must be made if you are having any out of town guests. Send out Save the Dates 8 - 12 months in advance of your wedding day. Earlier is better if it is a destination wedding. All you need are your names, date, city and state and a "formal invitation to follow". You may put your wedding website on your Save the Date. It does not, however, go on your formal invitation.

Although it may not be the 1880's or even the 1920s', our parents do not routinely call the Society Editors at our local papers to inform the world of your engagement. But you can still relax knowing you are not breaking any tradition by sending out a Save the Date. It's just a "must" for today's Bride and Groom. So have fun, get colorful and let your friends know to SAVE YOUR DATE!

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Art Deco Save the Date Card by Gilded Swan Paperie

#savethedate #weddingstationery #gildedswan #gildedswanpaperie #vintageweddinginvitations #artdecosavethedate